Remembering Gail Tredwell– A Letter From Brahmacharini Lakshmi

lakshmiakkaWe received the following account from a brahmacharini in Amma’s ashram:

My name is Lakshmi. I am originally from Holland, but for the past 29 years I have been a resident in Amma’s Amritapuri Ashram. In addition, for the last 19 years, I have been serving Amma full-time in her room in the ashram. My ardent prayer is that this boon of serving Amma should remain with me until my death. I am writing this because someone has brought to my attention that there are rumours on the Internet that Swamini Atmaprana (Dr. Leela) and I have left Amma. For the record, we are both still with Amma, contentedly engaged in seva. At this time, I believe it is my dharma (duty) to share some facts about Gail and my own personal experiences with her.

First and foremost, Gail’s claim that she lived in Amma’s room for 20 years, serving her, is not true. For five to six years prior to leaving Amma in 1999, Gail was no longer living in Amma’s room; she had moved to the upstairs level of the house. Thereafter, she would only occasionally come down to help me. Even before I came to stay with Amma, there were other ladies staying with Gail and Amma. Soon after she left, Swamini Krishnamrita Prana (Saumya, Australia) also started staying in Amma’s house.

In 1981, when Gail first came to see Amma, she didn’t even have an extra set of clothes. At that time, there was no ashram, only Amma’s family home. Regardless — without even inquiring into her name, place or background — Amma accepted Gail completely, entrusting her with all responsibilities. From that day onwards, till the day she left the ashram, Gail lived as a queen. She ruled over Amma’s parents, sisters, brothers, relatives, devotees, ashram residents, even Amma’s disciples. Gail always favoured a small clique of people — the people who obeyed her. Like a dictator, she trampled upon everyone else around her without the least concern for their feelings.

Gail, how many times I had to endure your uncontrollable anger and violent attacks? Hitting, kicking or pinching me, spitting in my face, pulling my hair, and bullying me… These were practically everyday affairs. Remember when you threw a hot iron at me? Not only ashram residents, but also devotees in Europe and U.S. bore witness to these incidents.

“Gail, how many times I had to endure your uncontrollable anger and violent attacks? Hitting, kicking or pinching me, spitting in my face, pulling my hair, and bullying me… These were practically everyday affairs. Remember when you threw a hot iron at me?”

Isn’t it an utter lie that no one loved you or supported you, etc, in the ashram? In reality, the residents — both the Western ones and the Indian ones — the devotees and disciples — treated you with so much love and respect. Didn’t devotees welcome you in a traditional manner even performing your padapuja (foot washing ceremony)? Weren’t there Indian residents to bring you Indian food? Western residents to bring you Western food? People to wash your clothes? People to massage you? Without deceiving your conscience, can you say all of that is untrue?

Gail, in reality, the reason you left the ashram and monastic life is well known to you, me and a few others: You were in love with one of Amma’s American devotees. After you left, he himself told this to Amma. Distraught, he even showed Amma the emails you sent to him. I was present when Brahmachari Shubhamrita and another ashram resident translated these emails into Malayalam for him. You tried to lure this innocent man away from Amma, but your desires were never fulfilled. Unmet expectations and unfulfilled desires have filled you with revenge and jealousy, Gail. You have transformed into a vicious snake spewing poison into the hearts of innocent people in the vain hopes of infecting them with your lies and negativity.

 “Gail, in reality, the reason you left the ashram and monastic life is well known to you, me and a few others: You were in love with one of Amma’s American devotees.”

You also desired to travel all around the world, conducting programmes by yourself. You expressed this desire to me and several others. It was with such desires that you left the ashram. However your selfish motives and dreams never materialized. Great spiritual masters have said that when our desires are not fulfilled, they manifest in different forms, like anger or revenge. Ultimately, it is we ourselves who are destroyed. This is what is happening to you now.

Due to Amma’s infinite compassion, she blessed you with so many opportunities, thinking that, eventually, some change might take place in you. Finally Amma even gave you the blessing of sannyasa (monkhood). Do you realize how sacred that lifelong vow is? Great spiritual masters know the past, present and future. Regardless, they will still give everyone — without distinction — the opportunity to grow and develop. They wait patiently, like Mother Earth. However, you — who gave importance only to your personal likes and dislikes — squandered all those precious opportunities. Submerged as you were in the negativities of your own mind, you were never able to imbibe Amma’s love, compassion and guidance. You projected your own faults and defects and weaknesses upon Amma. In the process, your mind has become filled with vengeance towards Amma.

 “Now that we know what you are capable of — so much hatred and spite and vengeance – it makes me wonder if these events really were accidents.”

Often, your attitude and behaviour really frightened us all. Many of us clearly remember how, in Sweden, you persuaded Amma into a boat and then rowed it out into the deep waters and tipped it over. Several members of the tour group, including myself, heard Amma pleading with you to not take the boat out so deep. We all heard Amma loudly telling you not to rock the boat and to be careful. Suddenly, everyone started screaming as we watched the boat tip over and saw Amma disappear under the overturned boat into the freezing water. It was a terrifying sight. We all remember how, on another occasion, you made curry for Amma with potentially poisonous wild mushrooms, ignoring the pleas of brahmacharinis Pavithramrita (Leelavathy) and Vineethamrita (Sreelatha) to not do so. After eating it, Amma vomited for the next two days. A blood-test revealed there were dangerous toxins in her blood that could have been deadly. On another occasion, you gave Amma a much higher dose of medicine than had been prescribed. When Amma fell sick to her stomach, tired and giddy, you tried to blame me. There is no way you could have forgotten these things.

Swamini Krishnamrita Prana and Swamini Atmaprana also received sannyasa like you; they are shocked at your wicked nature. Now that we know what you are capable of — so much hatred and spite and vengeance – it makes me wonder if these events really were accidents. Regardless, Amma never said anything about these incidents to anyone. She simply accepted them, forgave you and continued to provide you with love and compassion.

 “Despite your attempts to sell your vicious words as truth and thereby blind innocent people, Amma still says she has nothing but love for you in her heart. Hearing this, I can only bow down to Amma’s infinite compassion and motherhood.”

Despite all of these things, Amma has only asked us to pray for you. Still, to this day, even before she calls out my name, the word “Gayatri” often comes to her lips. Despite your attempts to sell your vicious words as truth and thereby blind innocent people, Amma still says she has nothing but love for you in her heart. Hearing this, I can only bow down to Amma’s infinite compassion and motherhood.

Amma doesn’t need to be explained or defended in regards to the accusations of a disturbed mind. But for the sake of righteousness, these matters need to be made public.

I truly am sad for you, Gail.
Praying that you come out of this darkness,
Lakshmi



Categories: Amma Lies, Amma Scandal, Amritanandamayi Lies, Amritanandamayi Scandal, Gail Tredwell, Must Read, Recent

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

31 replies

  1. Really shocked by realising the true face of Gali. Praying to AMMA that Gail get out of this darkness & realize that there is no truth other than AMMA in this world.

  2. By Amma’s grace I have been in ashram since 1990. Gayathri acted as a mediator between Amma and us. But after she left we understood she was an obstacle between Amma and us. After she left all the brahmacharinis were able to be more close and open to Amma.

    • This is so true. After Gayatri left everything opened up around Amma. No longer was it just G’s chosen few who were able to serve Amma. We were all so sad when Gayatri left, but ashram life was better for many of us after that in many ways. However, I still miss the witty, no nonsense and devoted Gayatri that I once knew. There were times when she was sweet and helpful to me and I’d rather remember the good in her than what happened later.

  3. Lakshmiakka,
    I feel like bowing down to you & all the swami’s in the ashram for showing us what real endurance (thithiksha) is. Finally, TRUTH WILL PREVAIL. If a dog barks at the sun, the sun does not bark back. Trying to defame AMMA is similar to this. AMMA has, is & will continue the way she has been throughout. No human intellect can stop it.

  4. From reading these memories of Gail Tredwell written by Lakshmi Akka, Rajita, Hari Sudha etc, I am able to understand more about Gail’s real face. Thanks to reading this, I have been able to understand a little more of Amma’s immense compassion and greatness. The intention of Gail was to pull us away from Amma, but it has had the opposite effect- I feel my bond to Amma has grown stronger. Thankyou to all of you for sharing your experiences.

  5. Your post was really interesting and the silver lining behind this giant kriya of a memoir is hearing from people like you that so rarely speak in such a personal way about their life with Amma. Thanks for sharing.

  6. I have been a student in amritapuri .the love and compassion she showed to us was remarkable. I don’t have words to explan the joy that we got when we saw amma.she guided us live with all moral values. Even god appeared and said something about amma we wont belive.We know the the god itsef manifest as amma to enrich human being

  7. Lakshmi akka.. This is sivan Kasthuriamma’s son.. No words can ever describe what AMMA is
    But u ve in ur simple words conveyed so much.. I am hoping just like you that Gail does recover from her present darkness… AMMA has definitely taught us to endure so much… Otherwise I don’t know how I would ve reacted to this situation.. I would ve lost it and sworn.. But no.. That’s not what AMMA has taught us… We are children of a divine mother and that’s the quality we are showing.. Otherwise this incident would ve ended in bloodshed…

  8. We cannot understand Amma’s greatness. Despite being so close to Amma Gail cudnt understand Amma at all. And thats the greatest misfortune of Gail. And the darling mother, our beloved Amma would only forgive Gail and accept her despite all this. Thats the greatness of Amma. I pray for Gail to come out of her hell of darkness and come into our all encompassing Amma’s light

  9. OM !
    Ne soyez pas triste ! seule la “MERE DIVINE” connaît la raison de l’acte de Gail ! il existe deux Lumières en ce Monde : la Lumière du Cosmos, du Divin et la Lumière Noire celle qui veut toujours gagner ! prendre le dessus sur l’AMOUR DIVIN !
    Jésus a été trahi par “JUDAS” et pourtant il était le Pardon de Dieu ! nous n’avons pas le droit de juger !
    restons du côté de l’Amour, comme le dit AMMA : c’est la seule véritable RELIGION ! ne nous laissons pas diriger vers la colère, la haine. Le chemin Karmique de Gail lui appartient ! c’est elle et elle seule qui sait pourquoi elle a décidé d’envoyer le doute dans la tête de beaucoup de personnes…de toute façon le mal est fait avec son livre !
    Peut-être est-ce simplement pour mettre à l’épreuve notre Amour envers la MERE DIVINE ?
    Pour ma part je n’ai aucun doute sur le fait que AMMA libèrent nos âmes, sauve nos Âmes. Elle dit elle-même n’être que l’instrument de Dieu. De par mon expérience personnelle,elle m’a rendue meilleure, plus compatissante envers mon prochain, elle m’a révélé à moi-même et à travers les Darshans d’AMMA la Vérité Divine m’a touché ! aujourd’hui je me sens plus libre, pleine d’espoir pour l’humanité et souvent je prie pour un Monde Meilleur…
    OM SHANTI
    DOUNA

  10. Il faut que je vous dise à la fin de mon message que je viens d’envoyer sur votre Blog j’ai éclaté en sanglots ! j’ai ressenti l’Amour d’AMMA et en tapotant sur mon clavier et les larmes me tombent sur les joues sans que je ne puisse rien faire ! Merci AMMA pour ton Amour, pour ta Compassion envers nous que le Tout Puissant nous fait la Grâce de te garder encore longtemps parmi nous !

  11. —Durga Lekshmi “Praying to AMMA that Gail get out of this darkness & realize that there is no truth other than AMMA in this world.” —

    Good to read All these. May be this situation AMMA created is for a reason.

  12. OM !

    Ne soyons pas tristes ! seule la Mère Divine connaît la raison de l’acte de Gail. Il existe deux Lumières dans ce Monde : la Lumière du Cosmos, du Divin et la Lumière Noire ! celle qui veut toujours prendre le dessus sur l’AMOUR DIVIN !

    JESUS a été trahi par JUDAS et pourtant il était le PARDON DE DIEU. Nous n’avons pas le droit de juger.

    Restons du côté de l’AMOUR, comme le dit AMMA : c’est la seule Véritable Religion ! nous ne laissons pas diriger vers la colère, la haine. Le chemin karmique de Gail lui appartient ! c’est elle et elle seule qui sait pourquoi elle a décidé d’envoyer le doute dans la tête de beaucoup de personnes … de toute façon le mal est fait avec son livre.

    Peut-être est-ce simplement pour mettre à l’épreuve notre Amour de la MERE DIVINE ?

    Pour ma part et avec mon expérience personnelle, je n’ai aucun doute sur le fait que AMMA sauve nos Âmes, libère nos Âmes. Amma dit : je ne suis que l’instrument de DIEU ! AMMA m’a rendue meilleure, plus compatissante envers mon prochain. Elle m’a révélé à moi-même et à travers les Darshans d’AMMA la Vérité Divine m’a touché ! je me sens plus Libre aujourd’hui et je suis pleine d’espoirs pour l’Humanité et souvent je prie pour un Monde Meilleur !

    OM SHANTI

    DOUNA

    Il faut que je vous dise à la fin de mon message que je viens de vous envoyer sur le Blog, j’ai éclaté en sanglots, j’ai ressenti l’Amour d’AMMA et en tapotant sur mon clavier les larmes me tombent sur les joues
    sans que je puisse rien faire. Merci AMMA pour ta Compassion et ton AMOUR que le Tout Puissant nous fasse la Grâce de te garder encore longtemps parmi nous …

  13. i did my studies from ammas instituion and now am working in one of the ammas organisations.nobody will understand the joy that we experience when we are in that great presence. there is no better way to know the taste of honey until we the taste it. nobody can explain how sweet it is with the words.

  14. I had many interactions with Amma and Swamijis. Amma is pure compassion personified. All these scandals are result of perverted thoughts. I pray to AMMA to give courage to Gail to come out of her trauma and ask for pardon from AMMA. I am sure AMMA will pardon her, bless her, and she can come out of her sins

  15. Dear Laksmi akka,
    Your forgiveness towards Sw. Gayatri cannot be described in words. However, seeing Amma get hurt should have been excruciating. With immense gratitude for your service to the world.
    Your brother.
    Peace and light to all.

  16. Om Namah Sivaya

    God willing, the vanity of being a great disciple or obedient devotee is shattered.

    Swami Vivekananda said, “whatever is in must have to come out today or another day.”

    May AMMA, the Holy Mother shower Her unconditional love and guide the mortals.

    Om Om Om
    Sridhar

  17. I am a devotee of Amma since 21 years. I read Gail Tredwell’s allegations about Amma and the Mutt, that is the same time when I heard about amma scandal blog. After reading these letters, the only outcome achieved is- who is saying the truth? Is it Gail Tredwell or Lekshmi, Nealu, Saumya? Because, both, from a common man’s perspective is just memoirs. From a devotee I got transformed to a confused individual, may be my faith is not strong. My mind is clouded with doubts. I am not getting the clear answers from any where.

    Oh God! I saw my God in Amma all these years. I am not getting an answer from Amma. The God who reside in me, help me to find an answer.

    A confused devotee.

    • Don’t worry, only the Truth will prevail.

    • Kartika, While Amma is not my guru, I have tremendous love and respect for her! My daughter and I see her every year when she comes to the US.

      Several years ago, I went through what you’re going through now. My Guru was maligned by some people (similar allegations, only worse, if you can believe it!). At my very core, in the depths of my heart, I knew He was what I believed Him to be; however, the mind has its questions. I made it through, and here are some suggestions to help you.

      Be patient with yourself, God has His/Her reasons for having some people be doubters. You work through this, like gold in the fire. Pray to God who is without form, or a deity you loved before finding Mother (I would constantly ask Jesus and Mary when I had my crisis). Ask God to show you Amma’s true nature, ask God for the love, strength, and wisdom to see this through. Ask God what it is you have to learn from this experience. You WILL get your answer eventually. And when you do, you will be a much stronger and wiser soul. You can then use your love and wisdom to help others. It is like Jesus had predicted that Peter would lose faith and deny Him, but in the end he would recover and help so many of his sisters and brothers.

      May God bless you and see you through!

    • Dear kartika this seems to b a testing time for all. But if we use a little discrimination we can see the facts. It is really pity that this world has not left even god from its evil ways. Those who do this vl prove to be self destructive. Amma is giving so much every day n even when she gets tired she doesnt rest n think of others. Her body n mind r so pure beyond even our comprehension. Its a shame that people try to defame such a great saint. Can they even think how is she doing all these acts of giving to people? Call her with all ur heart n she vl respond. Hold on tightly to her n she vl prove to u in the end that u were right.

  18. Truth will prevail.
    I would like to refer to the memoirs of Kusuma,Lakshmi and Susanne Wecker.
    Nothing more is required to know about Gail.
    More over, the the particular reference to “Catch A Tiger by the Tail, is enough and more to explain the hidden character of Gail and her friends.
    In fact, I am knowing more about AMMA and her contribution to the world, for the first time in detail. Such a GREAT Ma, one will never find in this WORLD.
    Gail should be given a psychiatric treatment. Looks like she is nymphomaniac too.
    My intention is not to insult Gail. But patients are to be treated.
    I don’t want to add any further comments on Gail
    Praying to GOD , to give more and more strength to AMMA and her team, so that they can serve the world, spread peace and happiness.

  19. I am a Senior Consultant gastroenterologist who met Amma first in 1996 and then in 2001.I was never one to be overwhelmed by spiritual leaders as logic always took precedence over mere emotion or sentiment.but there was something very special and charming about Amma so I visited her more than once and Over the last 14 yrs I have carefully observed Amma and from no logical standpoint can I deny what a fantastic person she is.
    Swami Vivekananda said :
    “3 things are necessary to make every man great,every nation great
    1) Conviction in the power of goodness
    2)Absence of jealousy and suspicion
    3)Doing good and helping others who are trying to do and be good”
    In simple words whether Amma is a divine being or not looking at her simply from the standpoint of just another person like me and you she has been doing the above 3 things day and night for over 40 yrs.
    She has been tremendously successful in doing so and has touched millions of heads and hearts and inspired so many to be more loving and selfless in a world plagued by selfishness,cynicism and fanaticism.
    Hence as per the above criteria she has become a great success and a great person but unaffected by all this continues to a be the sweet loving mother she always has been. Naturally there are plenty of small minded jealous fools who haven’t contributed to the betterment of soceity one iota and are living their lives in a beastly selfish manner caring only about themselves and their wives and children and having not achieved anything themselves want to find fame and name and possible make a quick buck criticising others.
    History stands testimony that all the great, loving and selfless ones had to face the wrath of the selfish minded men.
    Lord Rama and mother Sita, Lord Krishna,Christ and Sri Ramakrishna all were victims of the fault finding and criticising mind.
    The habit of fault finding and destructive criticism is the pernicious preoccupation of an unholy debilitated mind and it’s obvious that Gail and her accomplices fall into this category.
    Amma is gods love in the human form and if anyone has experienced this even once he cannot deny the fact as to what a wonderful person she is and that this world is a much better place because of Her.
    I have positively become a Better person after meeting Amma and to me that’s what matters at the end if the day.
    Now It’s time each of us to pause for a min and ask just one simple question “what have I done to make this world a better place? How May tear streaked faces have I wiped, how many aching hearts have I consoled and how many hungry mouths have I fed?”
    If you have truly and selflessly done so even once you will have nothing but awe and respect and love for the wonderful phenomenon that is Amma.

  20. When I came to Amma, I was looking for a female saint. As a woman, I figured that the spiritual path can be double-edged and so I wanted the protection of a Mother figure in my journey. And I can only say that this decision has been a great blessing as being near Amma and with Her blessings, I feel totally safe, strong and confident. I go to the Ashram in Kerala several times a year, go to the Mumbai ashram almost every weekend and have travelled for weeks with Amma and her entourage. Never have the Swamijis been anything but brotherly or fatherly or even, motherly like Amma. I have great admiration and respect for their detachment and commitment to our spiritual growth and happiness. I always think, how perfectly Amma has trained Her disciples! (Of course, if we want to get there, the process is understandably not easy.) Amma takes the trouble of even teaching us very mundane things like we should move in pairs and not alone. She is not only very careful with Her daughters but She also, trains us to fearlessly handle the outer world when required. Amma, working day in and day out, Amma teaching through Her actions, Amma multi-tasking – all these promote women as Shakti. We are not to be messed with! With this type of ethos, how can anyone in their senses accuse any of Amma’s disciples, and especially Balu Swamiji, of perversion? In fact, it is so safe with Amma and to me She is such a Perfect Guru that I encourage other women on the spiritual path – especially, if they have had negative experiences elsewhere – to come to Amma. So far, no one I know has ever had any bad experiences of the type alluded to in Tredwell’s book, while at any of Amma’s ashrams.

  21. Amma doesn’t need to be explained or defended in regards to any accusations.Laksmee I know what you went through with Gail, only a big heart like you would endure it. I feel sorry for Gail so much love she had from Amma, but nothing touched her!!!!!

Have comment? Let us know.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: