Remembering Gail Tredwell: A Letter from Swamini Krishnamrita Prana (Saumya)

swaminiGrowing up with Amma and the Swamis has been such a precious gift. I have lived with Amma for thirty-one years and I can say with total honesty that the purity of our lives in the ashram has always been completely sincere. Any accusations that suggest otherwise are simply untrue. Our lives with Amma have always been dedicated to spiritual principles and selfless service.

“The world has never seen a purer love than that which the Guru has for her disciples. The love a mother has for her children, nothing is sweeter in this world.”

I was there in the beginning when Gail loved Amma.  And I was there when her love died away.  She felt the heat and fire of burning likes and dislikes, and was not able to overcome them. The day before she left she came to me and asked if I was happy and I could honestly say, “Yes.”  Because of my association with Amma I have always experienced the fragrant breeze of Divine love blessing my life.

“Living at Amma’s side over the past three decades is a greater blessing than I could have ever imagined.”

People say that you can’t comment until you’ve walked in someone else’s footsteps. I have walked on the same path as she has but my experience has been completely different. Living at Amma’s side over the past three decades is a greater blessing than I could have ever imagined.

Only Amma’s selfless love and compassion remain constant, regardless of how people feel about her. Occasionally there are people who stop loving Amma and leave the ashram. Often they return years later, wanting to come back. Maybe one day even Gail will be asking to return.

-Swamini Krishnamrita Prana



Categories: Amma Controversy, Amma Lies, Amma Scandal, Amma Truth, Amritanandamayi Lies, Amritanandamayi Scandal, Gail Tredwell, Must Read, Recent

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7 replies

  1. Thank you, Swamini. It is good to hear your perspective on this book, it’s author, and the uproar.

  2. ” What is the point in complaining that there is no sun light in your room when you have shut your door & windows during day time. All you have to do is wide open your windows ” said my mother,

    My dear brothers & sisters,
    From my earliest memories of my childhood to this very present day I have received immense love & grace of my mother, my master. I can promise you that I haven’t done anything great in this birth & is totally undeserving to receive such unconditional love. I cannot justify myself if I say I am Amma’s disciple because I am not sincere in my spiritual practices nor do I have the qualities of a true disciple. But still Amma holds me to her as a son & guide me.
    Even for a true spiritual aspirant or an ashramite with sincere devotion to Guru/God there can arise situations in their life which will test their faith. It’s said that it’s the purity of their mind & the purity of their deeds which help them to hold on to their faith & chosen path.

    I haven’t read “HOLY HELL” but through various blogs got to know about the allegations levelled at Amma & her ashram by the author.

    Dear brothers & sisters,
    If you get electrocuted by putting your fingers in the electric socket in your room & if I say to you that there is no current in the socket what will be your reaction????? You will immediately confirm that I am mad/ that I never got a chance to enjoy an electric shock in my life. Or probably will maintain silence understanding that there is no point in repeatedly telling as I am not ready to accept the truth.
    But if you get an electric shock from a loose electrical wire connection & if your close family is around you will either repair the connection or at least you might keep a sign board saying “Beware loose connection”. It’s your love for the family that inspire the righteousness in you to do the correct thing so that they don’t experience pain.
    In the same manner it’s the duty of the disciple or a son to make sure that even if he cannot repair the ‘loose connection’ at least he can write in BOLD letters & read it loud that ” whatever allegations that you have levelled against my mother is completely baseless” because for the past 28 years I have received nothing but only motherly love, guidance & above all shower of immense undeserving grace !!!

    People who have met Amma in India would have directly experienced the long darshan queue. During Amma’s Indian tour the darshan line is never ending & by the end of 12-16 hours Amma would have blessed a five to six digit numbered group of crowd. Fourteen years back I went to meet Amma in my home town during Amma’s south Indian tour.
    It was a three day programme. The programme schedule was – In the evening at around 7pm, Amma will come down to the stage with a beaming radiant smile & will give a short talk rich in spiritual values followed by bhajans which goes on till 10 pm. At around 10 pm Amma starts giving darshan for thousands & thousands of people who rest their burdens & sorrows on her shoulder.
    I was blessed enough to stand very close to Amma & watch the whole darshan process. I saw that each person as they reach near Amma, their mind spontaneously opens up & they unburden their sorrows & when they walk back they looked relieved & I could see a small reflection of Amma’s beaming smile in their smile. After 10 – 12 hours of darshan, Amma got up from the stage at around 7 am. On the next day Amma was back on the stage for bhajans & darshan by 10.30 am. Amma still had the very same radiant smile & was ready to bless next twenty to thirty thousand people.

    On the second day of programme I was more than happy to go & get my darshan. When I reached near Amma, I said ” Amma, today is my birthday…”. Amma smiled & showered her blessings with few flower petals & gave me an apple as prasad. I then said ” Amma, I would like to have lunch with you..” . Amma just smiled & asked me to sit on the stage. Slowly I realised that I shouldn’t have asked as the darshan queue looked never ending. Hours passed. That day Amma sat & gave darshan for 11 hours. Even though I saw Amma walking back to her room & knew that she has to came back for next day’s programme after just 2hours of so called ‘Rest’, the other half of my mind said ” you are not lucky enough to have lunch with amma..Amma will be tired..may be Amma doesn’t remember what I have asked..”
    Next day was also the same & the same routine was followed. By the end of the third day darshan got over after 9 hours. All the local devotees were flocking around Amma as she was slowly walking towards her room. I got a place to stand near Amma’s room. As the devotess were standing all around Amma i could’nt see Amma at all & was finding it difficult to hold back the tears. I didnt want anyone to see me crying because it was difficult to explain why I cried. So I moved from there & stood behind the door through which amma will pass by. As Amma entered the room with other devotees, she just came & stood right in front of me next to the door !!!! I couldnt hold my tears anymore & just cried off on Amma’s shoulders. Amma then held my hands & walked. Alas!!! There I am in Amma’s room along with swamiji (Swami Amritaswarupananda puri) & lakshmi akka. Amma herself went & got rice, curd & cocount & chilli mix. Amma herself mixed the food. Giving continuous darshan for thousands of people for an average of 10- 12 hours for consecutive three days with minimum or no rest & there she is standing in front of me with the very same beaming radiant smile with a small plate with food on it ready to feed me..!!!!!

    What am I supposed to say??? What good deed have I done to receive such love?? How can Amma have so much time to happily feed me with her own hands when she just reached back in her room after giving darshan for hours?? More over one day back I doubted if Amma forgot about my request & was sad confirming in my mind that Amma would have forgot. I was not having any contol over my tears & couldnt hold back. There I stood praying to her that may I be blessed that i dont loose my faith & should never doubt regarding her love & compassion.. And that day my mother herself fed me lunch!!

    This is just one of the innumerable times Amma has showered her love & grace. She has always answered my sincere prayers. It’s said that when any one takes one step towards God, God takes hundred steps towards him. And to this day I have experienced that even before I try to lift my leg for keeping a step towards God, Amma would have taken hundred steps towards me.

    Myself being a doctor I had the opportunity to closely associate with few of AIMS hospital’s disaster relief work (Amma’s hospital) & the recent one being the flood relief in India. The amount of reilef work & reflex speed initiation of various projects for relief has to be appreciated. Working in the same hospital I have directly seen the number of patients getting financial help & free of cost treatment & is fully convinced regarding the humanitarian work that ashram is doing.

    All these 28 years Amma has never ever forced me or my family who are also blessed to have Amma as a part of their life to do any favour. I am a married man & Amma has guided & corrected me many times when i make mistakes & made me understand various values of family life & because of that by the end of the day my mind is at peace by her grace.

    Amma just transforms you from within. As far as a spiritual master is considered it’s his duty to make sure that her disciple or followers reach the supreme truth & it’s only possible after breaking of your ego which one cannot do individually. And it hurts badly when someone hammer you ego. Surrendering, faith & love will only help you in holding on to your path.

    My dear brothers & sisters,
    Every other flower bud in a well maintained garden is unique. Each bud will take different time to blossom. Some might take only one night, and few may take few days to blossom & at times few buds may wither off…
    May the buds in our heart blossom into a beautiful flower.

  3. Swamini, Your post was eloquent and beautiful and a great comfort to me. It was truly a pleasure hearing what you had to say. Thank you.

  4. Thank you, Swamini. I was at the retreat this fall in Detroit and while sitting and watching Amma give darshan I suddenly realized I was thinking about the Rolling Stone article published awhile back that featured negative comments about Amma from Gail. I wondered where I could find answers about this situation and suddenly felt the urge to get up and go look at the jewelry in the Amma shop. As soon as I got there I heard someone asking you, Swamini, about the article (which I never thought to do) and got to hear the response! I loved seeing how sincerely calm you were about the whole situation commenting that this might just be part of Gayatri’s spiritual path. I also loved how you pointed out that the disciples (including you) were just “ordinary people”. That has helped me a lot with this scandal as I realized that any of us could go astray even those who are closest to Amma. Yet, Amma is always here for us.

  5. namasivaya swamini,

    I shocked when a heard this news on facebook. i have heard and read about a gayatri who was with amma in early days. someone in the ashram told me she left ashram because of heavy work load in ashram..some said she was in love with someone and left with him..Now i know why this greedy western women left.
    Thank you for your article

  6. O! Mother
    O! Kindliest One

    Thou hast come and again to shower Thy unconditional love to Thy children who are error prone and torn by desires.

    Swamini Amma, thanks for the narration though the words ever fail to express AMMA’s pure unconditional love.

    Om Avyaja Karuna Poora Porithayai Namo Namah

    Om Om Om
    Sridhar

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